Thursday, June 11, 2009

Bowling For Lies!!

Today started off, as all days should, with a trip to the local bowling alley. When we got there we were surprised to learn that it was mostly a restaurant but it happened to have some bowling lanes.

The first game went terribly (for me) until the ninth frame where I picked up my first of four consecutive strikes.

The second game was not as fruitful (for me) but Lisa defeated me 133-127. Consistently bowling in the low 100's. Yup. I've still got it.

After the bowling we went to some sort of 100% dog-themed store. Jen hid in the car and read her book which she'd been reading all day. This was after she asked if Mars and the Sun were the same size after looking at the astronomically-themed dog toys.

Dinner started with a bruschetta made with tomatoes from the market, and bread from The Great Bread Company. Gary served it up and it went fantastically with the Summer Wheat beer from the Round Barn Brewing Company. I'm putting that beer solidly in my top five favorite beers of all time.

For dinner: grilled ribs, baked potatoes, and roasted asparagus. It had been far too long since I'd last had ribs and these were a messy delight.

For dessert Diane made a lemon mousse with strawberries from the market.

That was all before I blew the lid off of a parental conspiracy which may date back as far as the mid seventies!

Lisa and I discovered that both our sets of parents had told vicious lies to us as children. Both our sets of parents had told us growing up that we couldn't turn the light on in the car because it would blind other drivers and would get us arrested. Where does this lie come from? I'll tell you where. My research shows me that there was some sort of mid-seventies to mid-eighties worldwide parental consortium that got together and came up with ideas for new lies they could tell their children. This one must have been cooked up at such a meeting. I challenge anyone out there to show me some sort of fact-based evidence that there is anything dangerous about driving with an interior light on.

I'm guessing this consortium is nothing new. My memere told my father that if he ate bananas before bed HE . . . WOULD . . . DIE!!!!

These parental lies can be traced back for generations. I suspect the involvement of the Masons and the Illuminati.

Clearly these lies exist because parents want their kids to stop doing something. I get that. The problem with The Consortium is that their lies are lame. I'm going to come up with much stronger lies to tell my children. For example: If you leave the dome light on, a tiny dragon will be born, mature, then break through the lamp and tear your face off before finally burning us all alive with its dragon breath.

See? How hard is that? It only took me ten seconds to come up with something way more interesting.

The Consortium is dead. I just hope they don't shut down this blog before the information can get out there.

Power to the lied-to children of the world!


Roger said...

You now know too much young Chefelf. Be afraid, be very afraid.

I am 60 years old, and never had a banana at bedtime. The logic is sound.

Chefaunt said...

Nate, did you ever hear the "never eat fish with milk" theory (which I believe was also Memere's)? I believe this was also supposed to be a deadly combination.

I'm not sure how she explained the survival of the many brave who have battled a bowl of fish chowder and lived to tell the tale.

Sandy said...

Good point!

Unknown said...

I don't think I've heard the fish/milk combo thing. Memere's world was fraught with danger!