Marching Toward Three Children

As the severe winter cold begins to recede we are left facing a spring where we will welcome our new daughter, currently going by the name Uncle Dee Dee, and also give the boys free reign of our backyard to destroy it in a way to match the inside of our house.


In the cold months there has been a lot of play on the running piano.


And there have been many demands to draw Spider-Man, their current obsession. Above is an example of the Spider-Man I drew while having both of them hanging on my arms and shouting demands. Normally Martin shouts directions at me which result in a giant ball with a Spider-Man head and stick arms and legs. He then demands that I draw Firestar and Iceman to occupy the exact same space and gets mad if I don't fulfill that impossible request.


There have been a lot of clothes hanger fights while yelling quotes from "The Princess Bride."


Also, I took to remodeling their horrendous closet to make it a little more user friendly.


The resulting shelving from Ikea has made the closet much more useful.


The downside is that it has become a jungle gym for the boys, making the already arduous task of dressing them in the morning into even more of a hellish nightmare.


On Mardi Gras we had our traditional breakfast for dinner as well as some paczki, a local Polish pastry that may be the most delicious thing I've ever had in my life. Surprisingly they were only lukewarm about them. That was fine though because I was happy to eat all of their disgusting, drooled-on leftovers.


We've taken to going out for lunch after swim class every Saturday. One Saturday we went to the Taco place and Elliott ended up in soaked pants as a result of PPP (Poor Penile Placement) in his diaper. This meant that I had to change him into a fresh diaper and we had to leave the restaurant with temperatures in the single digits with him wrapped in Auntie Lauren's shirt. Elliott was extremely annoyed because, as far as he was concerned, we had simply removed perfectly good pants from him and refused to let him wear them for no reason.


Jen made sugar cookies with them on a day off and this resulted in a similar situation to the gingerbread house incident where it simply devolved into them just eating icing.


With the temperatures still extremely cold we were also able to enjoy some dinner by the fire, a Bubs favorite.


Jen got them some markers to draw on the windows which, of course, ended up with them drawing all over the walls. While they are washable it's not a trivial task to remove the marker from the walls. However, we were thankful that this new drawing area is far away enough from our couch that it did not get involved.


Grandma has begun teaching them how to make forts which usually means I come home to all the chairs, blankets, sheets, and toys right in the center of the kitchen floor at least a few times a week.


Nana and Grandpa came up for an extended two week trip which meant plenty of Storybots for everyone.


It also meant we were able to spend a toe-tingly cold day at the Naperville Winter Alefest. We got tickets a while back thinking it would be much less crowded than the summer alefest.

That ended up being a grave miscalculation.


Elliott took the opportunity to expound on how Grandpa has no hair on his head, something Grandpa undoubtedly appreciated.


With the changing weather Elliott also got a chance to dress up like a Maine redneck.


Grandpa was also able to draw on the window, following their distinct commands of drawing whales, mermaids, and skeletons.


Uncle Doug came home from work last Friday with a giant map, ready to try the best-selling beers from each country. This is a fun game but sadly it means we're going to have to drink a lot of very crummy, mostly skunked European lagers in green bottles.

But projects like this aren't about having fun, they're about winning. Once we have everything on the list, we win!

Not sure how much luck we'll have getting our hands on some of the non alcoholic beers from the Middle East or the beer from North Korea, but it will be fun trying!


We had our St. Patrick's Day feast the following day and it was so warm we enjoyed our soda bread, cheese, and butter outside on the deck! This sure beatthe year we lost power in the bitter cold.


The dinner came out great with the traditional bangers boiled together with the corned beer despite Jen's mother's extreme hatred of corned beef.


We went to a friend's birthday party on Sunday where the cake was a huge hit. The only problem is that cakes with extreme-colored frosting on them should come with a warning about what your child's poop is going to look like the following morning. So as not to alarm forgetful parents.


Martin's new thing is freaking out in the morning and demanding specifically shaped pancakes. Sometimes he wants polar bears. Sometimes he wants random letters. Here's a picture of me giving in and just cutting his round pancakes into S-shaped pancakes.

This is a phase I wouldn't mind seeing end immediately.


All the while Uncle Dee Dee is doing great. It's much different than Jen's previous pregnancy where everyone was worried about everything and she was being tested all the time. Now, while tired of the persistent acid reflux, there's been very little testing or cause for concern. In fact, we're so busy with the boys that even she forgets she's pregnant most of the time. This is a huge difference from last time where it was all we thought about or talked about.

Last night Dee Dee seemed to be performing some sort of acrobatic routine in the womb. This was fun for me, less fun for Jen, and probably a blast for Dee Dee.

Despite her acrobatics she looks so calm in this picture. It's like she's unaware of the frenetic madhouse she's about to born into. Soon enough she will be napping in the corner as Martin screams at me because his pancakes are not the right shape.

I apologize in advance, Dee Dee.

Part Caretaker, All Servant

New Year's Eve came quickly and Jen and I planned (and hoped) to have our normal grown-up New Year's Eve dinner after the boys were nestled (passed out) in their beds.


In the afternoon Jen put on a countdown to New Year's that she found on Netflix and apparently the boys had a blast watching it. I didn't get the chance to watch as I was at work.


For dinner I got home and quickly cooked bacon-wrapped tenderloin, grilled asparagus, truffled mashed potatoes, and steamed Biardi crab legs.


Jen made her traditional New Year's chocolate mousse, this year flavored with Grand Marnier


The following morning we had a sleepy New Year's Day where the boys snuggled up on the couch with Mummy and watched The Princess Bride for the second time. Despite the picture showing Martin asleep they loved this movie far more than we could have hoped. This was nice because it gave us an opportunity to not watch another kid's cartoon with them for a change.


That evening we made an impromptu, last minute New Orleans themed meal with barbecue shrimp . . .


. . . Hoppin' John . . .


. . . Chicken Andouille Gumbo . . .


. . . Collard Greens . . .


. . . and roasted garlic biscuits.


The following day we all took the kids to the Shedd Aquarium which was a pretty big hit, other than the horrible over-priced lunch experience. Lesson learned. Next time we pack lunches.









The love for Dire Straits continues. It also continues to mystify us. Neither Jen or I are all that crazy about Dire Straits. We like them okay but I'm secretly worried that people are going to think I'm forcing my love of my favorite band on my children, trying to get them to have the same tastes as me. Nothing could be further from the truth. They're only lukewarm about my favorite bands. They love Dire Straits.

I'd say a solid 80% of the Dire Straits I've listened to in my entire life has been in the last year, almost entirely at the request of one or both of my sons.


Soon enough it was Epiphany and time to take down the trees. The front room tree was easy enough as Martin and Elliott had done their best to denude it of 75% of its ornaments in advance.

Thanks, Guys!


The next day we got our first snow. My this time last year I had already shoveled about twenty times so I was not too broken up about the decrease in accumulation this year.


We got to play in the snow. This was great for Martin whose favorite activity lately has been pretending to throw snow at people and asking them to pretend to throw it back. Now he got to experience the real thing.


Elliott enjoyed it too, despite the 45 minute long battle about whether or not he was going to wear his jacket outside. I think you can see who won this argument based on the above picture.



Lately Martin has developed this crazy running style where he swings his right arm wildly with bent elbow while leaving his left arm straight. It's been a cause for great enjoyment by all who get the opportunity to watch it.


Grandma had a sudden and unexpected retirement which meant we had a sudden and unexpected retirement dinner part complete with Black Forest Cake.


This morning the boys woke up and decided they wanted to care for Martin's doll, perhaps in practice to become older brothers. Elliott went to the other room and retrieved a Boppy. I had no idea that Boppy was even around or that Elliott even knew what it was for.



After breakfast they erupted into a celebration of Dire Straits and sang along to "So Far Away," a song that I'm pretty sure I didn't even know was a Dire Straits song until a few months ago.


We spent a great deal of the morning making crafts as well. They ended up being Christmas-themed as much of the stickers and things we had around were from the holidays.


They both commanded me to draw certain things. Martin told me to draw a Santa, a little Santa, and a Santa in a sleigh. Perhaps this drawing is meant to recall the Great Christmas Schism of 1068 which brought so much war and devastation to the North Pole.

We live in simpler times now.


After their snack of peanut butter French toast they decided to have a Dire Straits slow jam where they really grooved to the moody guitar licks of Mark Knopfler.

I wish I could love and appreciate any music as much as they enjoyed Dire Straits. They don't listen to Dire Straits. They feel it.


Grandma came over for lunch and they both took care of Martin's dog, Ruff Ruff, by giving him Elliott's bowl of cous cous and then Elliott's milk. When Grandma told them that dogs don't drink milk they made me go get him some water.

That it what's like being a parent. You are part caretaker, all servant.

Another Day, Another Antibiotic

After the holidays died down we were keen to get the grill fired up and have our first burger event of the year.


This was fairly successful though the guys are not really too keen on meat these days.


Elliott, however, was quite impressed with the ketchup.


After dinner I came around the corner and saw Elliott sitting in a pile of cookies that he had apparently knocked off the counter. The interesting thing was that he was not trying to eat them, he was just sort of rolling around and kicking at them like a cat enjoying catnip.


Two Fridays ago we were afforded the opportunity to go out for dinner. We picked a restaurant based on the beer and the ability to watch the Blackhawks. While we had to peer into the next dining room to see the game while someone played Bob Marley songs on the guitar, the "three ounce" beer tasters were poured quite generously.


The following day the guys both decided to wake up about 15 minutes after I got home from work and spent the next six hours in bed with us allowing us little to no sleep.


The day after that Jen and Lauren took the cousins out to get their photos taken. Some cousins were more into it than others. Can you figure out which cousin was a little less into it?


Can you tell which cousin would have rather been doing anything else?


Can you tell which cousin maybe wanted to punch the photographer in the crotch and make a break for it?


Can you tell which cousin may have secretly been plotting to murder his mother and auntie in their sleep?


Can you tell which cousin may look into your soul and cast darkness upon your very being?


This was all forgotten later that night when he met us all at Grandma and Grandad's where he got to eat copious amounts of corn on the cob.


Right after Passover/Easter weekend I had an alarming amount of carrot and parsnip tzimmes left. I decided to mash it up and turn it into a delicious carrot and parsnip bread with sour cherries. The result was quite nice. I highly recommend for any excess tzimmes you may have around.

I know this is a common problem for a lot of people.


One morning when Jen "accidentally" woke up Elliott he had to come and stay with me. We tried to call Nana and Grandpa on FaceTime (one of his favorite things to do) but unfortunately they were not available. Instead he spent much of the morning just talking about how awesome it would have been.


I took them in to the doctor on Friday after completing their second ten-day round of antibiotics for a check up. Martin requested a tissue and then used it to clean the doctor's chair, desk, and door.


Elliott grabbed the keys right out of my pocket and tried to use them to open the doctor's locked cabinets. Elliott has never really used my keys before for anything so it was a little surprising that he was interested in them, now where they were, and seems to have a good idea of how to use them.


The result of the appointment was that they both still have ear infections. This meant we had to go to Walgreens and pick up another $150 worth of prescriptions for them. It also meant that our stupid, terrible, awful, no good, very bad heath care provider had to one again be confounded by the fact that we have twins and not be able to fill our prescription without an hour's worth of phone calls.

I won't tell you who it is but it rhymes with Boo-nited Elfcare.

We can't exactly blame them. After all, they are the only twins in America.



One night, waiting for Mummy to return from work I decided to do an Animal Sound Identification Lightning Round. They scored quite well.


Over the weekend, tired of all the kids music channels, I decided to play the Empire Strikes Back soundtrack. Elliott was particularly impressed. Martin's reaction was also great but I was unable to get it on video.


On Sunday we went to a local farm festival where the boys had a pretty good time playing around. Elliott was a big fan of this area where he pretended to be a giant who was ransacking a tiny village. He was particularly ruthless with the scarecrow.

Elliott has long been a defender of crows.


Martin became extraordinarily hungry towards the end of the trip and the sample portions of pie only fueled his anger at not being able to eat everything he wanted. We were foolish in not bringing any snacks with us even though we were a mere five minutes from home.


Elliott also enjoyed shaking the hell out of this wind chime. Elliott deemed it not nearly windy enough and rebranded this item as a shake chime.


This latest antibiotic, or perhaps a cumulative effect from all three, has left their poor little intestinal tracts in bad shape. This has meant for an average of 4-6 diaper changes before lunch time and recently expanded to vomiting. The doctor supposes that in their weakened state they may have contracted a stomach virus. The fact that Grandma is also in that camp without any antibiotics would lend support to this theory.

They've been on antibiotics for 25 of the last 30 days. This leads me to wonder if the cure is worse than the sickness. I'm pretty sure that they'd be better off just letting these ear infections work themselves out after what they've been through.


Illness be damned! After we got them to sleep last night we proceeded onward with our Cinqo de Mayo dinner. I started by grilling some avocado in the skin then topping them with salsa and cumin-spiced sour cream. This made for a pretty tasty end to a rough day for all of us.


Jen, before knowing the boys were sick, had requested a margarita. I was still able to deliver but it was consumed with less joy and more tired resignation than originally planned.


I also grilled up some seasoned Mahi Mahi and vegetables and made these tacos on corn tortillas with cilantro, spiced sour cream, salsa, guacamole, and crumbled cotija.


Never one to pass up a good beer opportunity, I enjoyed this Daisy Cutter Pale Ale from Half Acre. It was very tasty and I'd highly recommend as an accompaniment to tacos.


After dinner Jen bravely volunteered to open the bag of unspeakable horror that was sent home with the boys from day care.


Because of their illness they soiled every bit of clothing they had and we had to walk home with Martin wearing no pants and Elliott with no shoes. This left Jen up late Googling solutions for barf-stained shoes.


After his sickness we had to keep Martin home from school this morning where he drank some juice out of a cup then immediately passed out on top of me about two minutes after his mother left for work.


I transferred him to the couch where he has been sleeping for more than two hours. I'm hoping that a combination of sleep, a bland diet, and a lot of liquids makes him better for tomorrow.

Otherwise either Jen, I or both of us may be fired.