Deck the Fall

September began with a long-delayed home improvement project. Carbon dating has been unable to determine how old our deck is. We have only been able to go on an oral history delivered to us by those who have lived in our neighborhood for some time. By cobbling together various tales and legends we have been able to determine only this: our deck is quite old.


After we replaced many rotten boards earlier this spring, I began by power washing the deck then scrubbing it with some sort of deadly concoction to kill algae that may be living in the wood. This is something that hadn't occurred to me could possibly happen until researching this project.


Then I applied the first coat of the thickest, sludgiest, deck paint I could.


While coat number one dried Josie had her four month checkup and is doing great. She got a few shots which she didn't seem to mind then slept them off the rest of the day.


After her checkup I applied a second coat of paint and was done for now. The result is probably going to get us a few extra years out of the deck, though I have not found the time to paint the unfinished trim which may potentially be a project for next year or later this fall.


Our farm had a bounty of tomatoes this year and sold them for the inexpensive price of $2 per pound in surplus. We purchased 22 pounds then peeled, and chopped them for the freezer as we did last year. Our garden's yield has been good but nothing compared to the quantity and quality we experienced last year.


My deck painting supplies were immediately commandeered by the bubses who turned paint stirrers into swords and the cardboard covered the walkway into a bridge, the scene of an epic showdown between good and evil.


Jen took many opportunities to make popsicles with the boys this summer. This usually resulted in irrecoverably stained clothes and giant raspberry stains on our freshly painted deck. However, can you put a price on your children's happiness?


Meanwhile our pumpkin vines have taken up much of our yard. There is now an uninhabitable pumpkin zone which cannot be entered. The grass grows long under the pumpkin patch for it cannot be simply be mowed by moral homeowners.


Nana and Grandpa stopped in on the prelude to their cross country tour. This meant many hours of Storybots.


It also meant a celebratory dinner for Grandparents' Day, something that no grandparents were aware of. Few have Jen's committment to tracking such things. The only picture we were able to capture that was halfway decent was this one. The rest were either missing children or had them running toward the camera. By children, of course, I am referring to Martin and Elliott. Evelyn and Josephine were perfectly well behaved the entire time.


Before work one day we took them to Naper Settlement, were lied to about the origins of Naperville by an employee, and watched a blacksmith making iron roses.


But there was to be no work, instead I got a stomach bug. Jen had previously suffered from it several days earlier and I was defeated by my own hubris, assuming I had beat the wretched bug.


Several days later, after recovering, Jen was away on a work trip and we took the children to the Arboretum.


Their favorite part, strangely, was while we were waiting for it to open they found a hay bale and spent about twenty minutes picking out staws of hay and pretending to be horses.


Then another child showed them that they could wade in a section of the water. Unfortunately they were in jeans which meant they spent the rest of the afternoon completely soaked from bellybutton to toe. Martin also spent the entire time singing "Five Little Speckled Frogs" which is a song I had previously been unaware of. If parenthood has taught me nothing else it has taught me that I am ignorant of a huge number of children's songs.



The next day Nana and Grandpa had to leave on the second leg of their countrywide tour. We spent twenty minutes trying to coax the boys into saying goodbye and taking a picture with them. They refused and finally they just had to leave. Then, of course, as soon as they pulled out of the driveway both boys started screaming and crying that they hadn't gotten to say goodbye.

So typical.


I am not a violent person. I would never wish violence on any human or animal. But when an unwanted animal comes into my home I will seek to murder it without regret. When we first moved in that was in the form of mice which we vanquished. Now our home is under attach by woodpeckers. They've pecked giant holes into our siding. Now I am researching forms of woodpecker murder and will explore all options at any cost. Perhaps simply purchasing a BB gun would be the best answer, though I doubt my aim is precise enough to inflict the proper damage.

If anyone knows of any ways to kill woodpeckers, please drop me a line. Be aware that I'm not interested in merely scaring them away. I want them to be dead. Preferably as painfully as possible. I'm not interested in humane removal of these woodpeckers. If they'd like to peck at trees in the neighborhood I'm fine with that. If they insist on our home then they must die as slowly and painfully as possible.


After Nana and Grandpa left Elliott put together this dinosaur puzzle from start to finish with no help. I'm not sure what the average age for being able to grasp this is but it was pretty impressive. Martin doesn't have the attention span for such activities. Elliott seems to be able to focus indefinitely on projects like puzzles. Martin will put together a few pieces then need to get up and play guitar or swordfight.


Martin continues to show his love to his sister mostly in the form of manhandling her. However, there are times when he sweety reads to her or handles her with the amount of care a baby deserves.


The ramp up to fall has been a good one. Now we await the return of Nana and Grandpa and follow their escapades as they travel across the nation. Someday, when the children have moved out and we are retired, perhaps Jen and I will do the same.

Or, if we are foolish enough we will attempt it with the kids.

It's possible. Sometimes we can be pretty dumb.

Dirty Nelson

August is nearly behind us. Another mild summer is coming to a close. I'm thankful for the temperate weather. It would figure that the first two summers of my life living with central air conditioning are two of the summers that I've needed it the least.


We took the kids to a concert at the Morton Arboretum for their summer concert series. There was a giant squirrel there that intrigued and frightened the boys. I guess it's possible it was a man in a squirrel costume but either way it was alarming.


Josephine has really begun enjoying her crinkle giraffe though silky scarves still remain her number one most fun experience.


On a fairly hot and humid day, given the temperate nature of this summer, Lauren developed a pregnancy craving for Fettuccine Alfredo. Against my better judgment I cooked up a big pot and we ate it outside as if it were burgers and hot dogs.



Grandad returned from an outing to Kalamazoo to visit Auntie Lisa with a selection of delicious donuts and stopped by to let the boys each pick one, thus ruining their lunch. What else are grandparents for? Or aunts? Or parents?


Josie has been smiling almost nonstop for the past month. She smiles primarily at Mummy, then at her sheep mobile, then -- in distant third place -- Daddy.


The other day, while having dinner, we heard the unmistakable sound of an ice cream truck. The boys always ask what the sound is and we usually play dumb. Living on a cul de sac we never really get any trucks down our street, so why get their hopes up. This night, however, I could hear them making the turn and I dashed out front to stop the truck and the boys' minds were blown.


The day care summer picnic also happened which meant hot dogs, chips, and a tumble in an enormous bouncy house with dozens of other children. This sounds like a recipe for disaster but it ended surprisingly well with very few ill children and no blunt force head trauma.


The night ended with some more frozen treats. The average amoutn of frozen treats they have consumed this summer is approximately five per day.


Martin has created an alter ego named Dirty Nelson and he often changes into him while singing his new single, Hey, Don't Hurt Me.


The farm share has continued, though our documentation of it, along with our utilization of its ingredients, has been lackluster at best.


One Saturday, after work, we set up a tent and me and the boys camped in the backyard.



We made hot dogs and baked beans in the fire pit and then slept all night in the tent in the backyard. We got to sleep around midnight but Elliott had a bit of a cough which kept him up. Overall I was not expecting it to go as well as it did. They kept trying to make a break for it and run back int the house but eventually gave up and we had a good time camping out.



The next morning we started another fire and baked cinnamon rolls in the fire pit, encased in grapefruit skins.


We also got our first tomato of the year. It also happened to be the ugliest tomato of the year, perhaps of all time.





The boys have had a blast playing in the studio. This usually means they play with guitars for a little bit, then Elliott uses a güiro to poke at some boxes. He believes this to accurately simulate what it looks like when someone robs a bank. Then I pick him up and toss him into the jail we've made out of their old playpen walls. He promises not to rob the jail again. I let him out and he does it again.

He can play this game for an infinite amount of time without getting bored.


They had their last day at the Beginners classroom this month, and begun tthe new Intermediates classroom the following week.


We took them out for a celebratory dinner and ice cream adventure.


Josephine also rolled over for the first time but neither of us saw it. A few days later Jen saw it happen but I have still not witnessed it. I have, however, recorded lots of video of her not rolling over, just like I did with her two brothers.





For Doug's birthday we made a summer feast. Compared to what we've been having lately it was very nice. There was Sriracha crab salad in grilled avocados, jerk grilled spatchcock chicken, pimientos de Padron, and tomato feta salad.

It's nice to have time to make something more exciting than pasta for dinner.


I made shields for both of them out of cardboard and they think they are just about the best things since their foam swords. Elliott will only use it when he has on his gardening gloves, and usually his boots for authenticity. They spend about seventy-five percent of their waking hours pretending to be knights. The other twenty-five is spent pretending to be jedis.


Last Wednesday I had to say goodbye to the boys as I wouldn't see them again until Monday night. We left on Friday morning for our trip to Washington D.C.


We too the baby with us and Josephine got to have her first plane ride. She has now spent quality time in Illinois, Wisconsin, Washington D.C., and Virginia.


We had a Chinese feast at the China Garden in Arlington, Virginia.


And Josephine got to enjoy the luxury of hotel living in Washington D.C.'s Chinatown.


The wedding we attended, of our good friend Debbie, was located at the top of the Newseum in D.C. overlooking the Canadian embassy and the capitol building.


Josephine got to have her first subway ride as we ventured back out to Virginia later that night.


She also got to experience the Georgetown eatery, The Tombs, which no Georgetown alumn can resist when in town.


Last night we went back to the Morton Arboretum for the conclusion of their family concert night and saw Duke Otherwise who put on a heck of a show. Martin and Elliott both participated enthusiastically, though they did it safely on the blanket with Mummy and Daddy and did not join the flock of children gathered around the performer.


Today we executed our ambitious plan of taking the train to the Brookfield Zoo. This was my idea because, taking the train downtown to work back in June, I was surprised that it was a mere thirty minute train ride to the zoo. The problem, of course, was that I didn't have children with me when I discovered that. I also did not realize that the zoo stop on the train was no exactly across the street from the zoo. This resulted in a two hour door-to-door trip.


The guys had a pretty good time at the zoo, even though we got there at nearly 11 o'clock, a full hour ahead of plan.


We got to go to the butterfly exhibit and a butterfly landed right on Martin's head where it remained for about two full minutes. I had visions of him swatting at it, killing it, and having our newly purchased family membership cards revoked.

Instead he was a great sport and the butterfly will now live a long life or potentially die at the hands of someone else's child.


I told them they could go on the carousel but the ticketing process combined with us needing to make our train made me go back on my word. Elliott was fine with this but Martin was about to lose it when we stumbled upon an ice cream vendor and I distracted both of them with supremely messy push pops.

It took an entire package of wipes to clean them off while we waited for the train but it was money well spent. Apart from Martin losing his mind when I lifted him down the steps from the train the rest of the trip home was fine.

Time did not allow for a nap. Martin generally does okay in these situations, Elliott is a little more unable to cope.

An important lesson was learned today: taking the train to the zoo is a fool's errand. It was a romantic idea, and the kids had fun on the train, but I don't think we would ever make the decision to do this again. Last time we went the line for parking took a while so we thought this would be easier.

Sometimes we are so stupid.